Is Your Parent Ignoring You, or Losing Their Hearing? Discover the key differences

Is Your Parent Ignoring You, or Losing Their Hearing?

Understand the key differences

Overview    | Signs of hearing loss    |    What ignoring looks like    |    How to approach the conversation    |    Summary

Overview

It's a scenario that plays out in countless homes every day: you're trying to tell your mum or dad something important, and they seem to be completely ignoring you. You might feel frustrated, hurt, or even a bit cross about it.

But here's the thing - what looks like selective hearing or deliberate ignoring might actually be the early signs of hearing loss.

Understanding the difference between the two can be important for your parents' well-being and your relationship with them in this article.

Why it's so easy to get this wrong

Hearing loss typically develops gradually over years, which means both the person experiencing it and their family members might not notice what's happening.

Your parent isn't waking up one morning unable to hear - instead, certain sounds and frequencies slowly become harder to distinguish.

This gradual change can easily be mistaken for distraction, lack of interest, or even stubbornness, especially if your parent is quite independent and hasn't mentioned any problems.

Realated reading:  Types of hearing loss

The tell-tale signs of hearing loss

Let's start with what hearing loss actually looks like, because it's not always as obvious as you might think.

Volume always being turned up:   One of the clearest indicators is the television or radio volume. If you find yourself constantly turning it down when you visit, or if other family members are complaining about the noise level, this is often one of the first red flags.

Your parent might genuinely not realise how loud they have things - to them, it sounds perfectly normal.

"What?" is happening more frequently:  Does your parent frequently ask you to repeat yourself, particularly in certain situations? Hearing loss doesn't affect all sounds equally.

Higher-pitched voices (like women's and children's) often become harder to hear first, as do consonant sounds like 'f', 's', and 'th'.

So your parent might hear that you're speaking but can't quite make out what you're saying - hence the constant "What did you say?" or "Pardon?"

Conversation withdrawal:  People with hearing loss often start avoiding situations they once enjoyed.

If your parent used to love family gatherings but now seems reluctant to attend, or if they're no longer going to their regular social clubs or activities, hearing difficulties might be the culprit.

Group conversations become exhausting when you're straining to hear, and many people would rather withdraw than constantly ask people to repeat themselves.

The telephone struggle:  Phone conversations are particularly challenging for people with hearing loss because you can't rely on visual cues like lip reading or facial expressions.

If your parent seems reluctant to answer the phone, switches exclusively to video calls, or frequently misunderstands what you're saying on calls, this could indicate a hearing problem rather than technophobia.

Strategic positioning:  Watch where your parent sits in social situations. Are they always trying to position themselves in particular spots? People with hearing loss often unconsciously develop strategies to hear better.

Such as sitting close to speakers, turning their "good ear" towards conversations, or choosing seats where they can see everyone's faces. This isn't ignoring behaviour; it's coping behaviour.

Think these signs sound familiar? Book a free hearing assessment to get clarity and professional guidance here

What actual ignoring looks like

Now, let's be fair - sometimes people genuinely are distracted or not paying attention, and that's different from hearing loss. Here are some key differences:

Selective situations:  If your parent can hear perfectly well when they want to (like when their favourite programme is on or when you're discussing something they're interested in) but mysteriously can't hear when you're asking them to do something they don't fancy doing.

This might be selective attention rather than hearing loss. Hearing loss doesn't typically work that way - it's consistent across situations, not selective.

Visual engagement:  Someone who's ignoring you often won't make eye contact or will be obviously focused on something else - reading, scrolling their phone, or watching television.

Someone with hearing loss, on the other hand, will often be looking directly at you, clearly trying to understand, but still missing parts of the conversation despite their best efforts.

Response patterns:  When someone is ignoring you, they typically won't respond at all, or they'll give you a dismissive response.

Someone with hearing loss is more likely to respond inappropriately - answering a question you didn't ask, or reacting to something you didn't actually say. This happens because they've heard part of what you said and filled in the gaps incorrectly.

The emotion

Here's where things get a bit more complicated. Hearing loss can actually make people seem distant or disengaged, which can feel like emotional withdrawal or ignoring. Your parent might seem less interested in conversations, more irritable, or even a bit depressed.

This isn't about them not caring - it's about the exhausting mental effort required to follow conversations when you can't hear properly.

Constant straining to hear is genuinely tiring. Imagine trying to have a conversation in a noisy restaurant whilst someone's playing loud music.

After a while, you'd probably withdraw from the conversation too, not because you don't care but because it's simply too much effort. This is what untreated hearing loss feels like much of the time.

The embarrassment

Many older adults are reluctant to admit they're having trouble hearing. There's still a stigma attached to hearing loss - it's seen as a sign of ageing or declining capability. Your parent might be doing everything they can to hide their hearing difficulties.

Including nodding along to conversations they haven't fully heard or avoiding situations where their hearing loss might become obvious. This can unfortunately look quite a lot like ignoring or a lack of interest.

How to approach the conversation

If you suspect your parent might be experiencing hearing loss rather than deliberately ignoring you, approaching this sensitively is important. Nobody wants to be told they're "going deaf" - it feels like an attack on their independence and capabilities.

Choose the right moment:  Don't bring this up in the middle of an argument or when you're frustrated about being ignored. Pick a calm, private moment when you can have a proper conversation without time pressure or distractions.

Use specific examples:  Rather than making general accusations ("You never listen to me!"), mention specific instances you've noticed.

"I've noticed you've been having the television quite loud lately", or "I've seen you asking people to repeat themselves more often" are much easier to hear than "I think you're going deaf."

Focus on quality of life:  Frame the conversation around what they might be missing rather than what's wrong with them.

Talk about how hearing aids could help them enjoy social situations more, have easier phone conversations with grandchildren, or feel more confident in group settings.

The best hearing aids these days are genuinely sophisticated pieces of technology that can dramatically improve the quality of life.

Offer to help:  Suggest going to a hearing test together, or offer to research hearing care professionals in their area. Sometimes the hardest part is just taking that first step, and knowing you're supportive can make all the difference.

When to take action

The reality is that untreated hearing loss can lead to serious problems beyond just communication difficulties.  Research has shown links between untreated hearing loss and increased risk of depression, social isolation, and even cognitive decline. 

If you're noticing consistent patterns of communication difficulties, particularly in multiple situations and contexts, it's worth encouraging your parent to have a hearing test. These tests are usually quick, painless, and often free through hearing care professionals.

Even if the test shows no significant hearing loss, at least you'll know, and you can establish a baseline for future comparisons.

Summary

The difference between a parent ignoring you and a parent losing their hearing often comes down to patterns and consistency. Hearing loss shows up across multiple situations, particularly in noisy environments or group conversations.

It's accompanied by coping behaviours like turning up the volume or asking for repetition. True ignoring, on the other hand, tends to be more selective and situational.

If you're seeing signs that point towards hearing loss, approaching this with empathy and practical support rather than frustration or accusation will get you much further. Your parent isn't trying to make your life difficult.

They might genuinely not realise how much they're missing. Modern hearing aids can be genuinely life-changing, and helping your parent access appropriate hearing care could dramatically improve both their quality of life.

Remember, hearing loss is incredibly common as we age - roughly one in three people over 65 experience some degree of hearing loss.

It's not a character flaw or something to be embarrassed about; it's a medical condition that can be effectively managed with the right support and technology.